Friends yeah quality friends

Well i have been going through this re-evaluation phase of my life and found out i've suffered most because of my trait of "pleasing people" that i felt important to me in some way or the other. I've realised that part of my problem has been pleasing others. This has primarily been to remain liked, the routine guy and to avoid conflict, etc. All measures of my own insecurities.

But lately I've been finding more and more that many of such people who I once considered friends, have actually been friends only because I've been a particular way with them, and if that 'way' has deviated in some way, then their friendship has waned or disappeared altogether. Some of my 'friends' have chosen to part ways, while I've chosen to part ways from others. What's been really interesting to me is that these friends, for want of a better word, have only been friends if I've been of a particular way. Attitudes, actions, opinions, etc. If I do something different, they've shown that they haven't been there for me. Conditional friendship, I call it.

What I'm interested in is having quality relationships with people who accept who I am, and still consider themselves to be a better person for knowing me. Any person who wants me to be the kind of person that they think is best, are the kind of person I'm not interested in having around. So I've been happy that they've shown their true colours and forced the end of the 'friendship', one way or another. But the experiences have made me take stock of myself. Part of my passive aggression is agreeing with others for the sake of being liked, and fitting in with what I feel they want, so that I don't feel so lonely or challenged. But I've been doing it for so long, frankly I'm sick of it. I'm tired of being what other people want me to be. If they don't like me for who I am, then that's their problem. I'm glad to know about it, so that I can move on with someone less arrogant, selfish, inconsiderate, short sighted and closed minded. All traits which I have in me. :-)

I've started a new search for quality people, who are not only outside my frames of reference, but are happy to develop friendships with someone like me. I'll challenge them, question them, anger them, but at the end of the day, I'll be there for them, ready to help them, to be challenged and questioned by them.

It's good to say what I feel in this blog. I'm sick and tired of trying not to piss anyone off. It stops, now. It's also good to know that I still do have friends who love me regardless of what I say, who know that it's not my opinion that matters, but my presence. So what kind of friend are you? Do you have friends who will stick by you through thick or thin, or are they there for only until you challenge them, and then they're off, hiding in their box? Choose quality friends. It makes for a more rewarding, quality life.